Mumbai rebound missing my apartment

Coming back from town today...

Same wind was blowing in my face

Same rains were falling on those cab windows

The look was the same in my eyes but the feelings were so different.

There was a pain and there was a hope. Pain of missing the past and hope for the coming future.

Just do not know which was stronger. But to balance from falling off, I have to keep pedaling the cycle of life.

Landed back in Mumbai on 28th of August. I had been planning this trip since the day I left Bombay but unfortunately it kept on getting delayed. Maybe that was for the best I don't know, not as yet but I am hoping so. Professional reasons yes its g8, personal not so much.

I freaking miss my apartment so much. Staying at a college friend's place and everytime I cross Juhu PVR or Waves Gym I miss the good times spent with some special people. Feels like part of heart is missing. Topping that list of people i am missing, is my doll, my fiesty little sister who is always right but i never want to acknowledge. The trouble maker and trouble solver of my life. I am also missing a dear friend with whom I had spent the last few days of my previous stay in Bombay.

But now is probably the start of another struggle. Right now I am focussing my life firstly only on professional advancement on what I really want to do and secondly doing a lot of charity work. Helping others makes me soooo happy. Personal life can take a backseat for the time being. I am focussing all my energies on struggling for the next few years to give my career a shape and hopefully in that process my personal life will also take a form. Because when you hold something in your hands too tight or run after some particular thing, it just slips away from your hands like sand. But when you let yourself grow and be a better, stronger and trustworthy person life just becomes more beautiful to live in.

Reactions to pain

Pain does have different effects on people. Some become heartless, some get out of it stronger and some become creative. Now I understand how a lot of writers and singers perenially remain in solemn state of being. The pain, the suffering brings out the creative soul in them. The ideas come much faster. The tears in brain and heart brings out different topics in their creative writing or voice but the problem is all the ideas are related to pain only. So, I guess the best ideas come when you are in the same mind frame as you want to put down on paper/MS Word.
Guess that is the reason singers like Jagjit Singh, Jim Morrison were always in sad intoxicated state. .
There is definitely a corelation between madness and creativity. That reminds me of Imtiaz Ali movie Rockstar showing the same viewpoint. Some people said it is bullshit but I agree. The pain, dard heartache brings the best in some people. But that does not justify for being in that mind frame forever. Who does not want to be happy, smile to be finally be with the one you love and laugh and be merry?

Sometimes all this struggle with pain brings out the best creative brilliance but a lot of times the pain becomes too overwhelming and they succumb to it. There are several stories of geniuses with tormenting relationship between pain and creativity. I know of my favorite people is going through this. Bring out the best in you love. I love you and miss you and hope to see you soon!

Why do we have Belief systems ?

I am writing today's blog in a very sad state of being. Little angry but mostly sad.

I am trying to understand why do people believe in astrology, horoscopes or other psychic sciences. I guess they want to believe that they have some special knowledge which would allow them to take control of their own destiny by seeing what potentially lies ahead. They want to avert danger, take advantage of good opportunities, etc. etc. I am not saying that astrologer's advice is not good. It is much better than no advice at all. Some people need reassurance in whatever form it comes. But astrologers who recommend against particular marriages or projects because of the "stars" might be providing disastrous advice. There is, sadly, no way to differentiate between the two.

I personally don't believe in them, not because they might be false or whatever. I feel we as humans need to live our lives like God wanted us to be, based on unpredictability. If all of us are trying to know the future then where does it place God? He has his ways of dealing when we try to know the future and fight with our destiny. He might say, ok so you found out tentatively that this particular thing will happen to you and got away with it, Great I will put another roadblock in your life when you were busy taking care of and celebrating your little victory.
I would think God wanted all his creations to live the life he created and fight the problems with love, empathy and compassion and face all fears and uncertainties heads on.
I guess astrology is like religion, some people believe in it and others don't. But what confuses me most is how can you base you life's decisions on external factors. Is it the coward in you who needs reassurance in the form of third party that your life will be good or is it you need a third party to blame your failures on.
My horoscope might say that a particular person might prove to be a great husband in terms of all statistics but will I ever be able to fall in love with that person? Great married life means great love, compassion and trust to make you sail through all the difficult times.
Another question which my mind is not able to fathom is if astrologers can tell you about your love life/business/health, do they know what will happen to them next few hours/months/years. Why don't they make their life predictions in such a way that they could be the richest, most successful and people with happiest personal lives. My reasoning would be how much so ever you try to manoeuvre your life but God will throw curve ball at you and then you will not know what to do? You will be yourself hurt and you will hurt all the other people on the way. So, what path is better? Trying to play hide and seek with God or just follow your heart and be mentally and physically ready when God throws lemons. As they said when Heaven throws lemons at you, make a Pink Lemonade. Yummmmmmm...Slurrppppp :)